Sept. 9, from Louie, Day 90

Pops, I am so darned MAD!!!!!

We had such a wunnerful start to the day, ‘n’ it ended just poopy, ‘n’ it’s all the EWP’s fault.

We didn’t have no hike this mornin’ — just a short walk in the park next door — but that was OK, ‘cuz me ‘n’ Mom had to finish our many preparations for my big lunch date with Delilah. Mom was hoggin’ up the bathroom mirror ‘n’ I had to crawl up her back ‘n’ sit on her shoulders just so’s I could peer around her frizzy head ‘n’ take care of my own beautification. (It’s not fair that she hogs the mirror, ‘cuz I got ever-so-many more hairs to blow-dry ‘n’ toenails to file down than she does. ‘N’ it was MY date, not hers!) But FINALLY, Mom declared us ready, ‘n’ I really was most handsome, even if I do say so myself.

‘N’ when we got to the Crezwells, Delilah just SWOONED!

I tried to play it cool, but to tell you the truth, I was a little light-headed myself. Delilah smelled so mysteriously like a DOG, ‘n’ her browns eyes was so luscious ‘n’ her snout twitched so invitin’ly, well, gosh, Pops, I was quiverin’ after so many many days of denied manhood, ‘n’ as soon as the humans disappeared into the house, me ‘n’ Delilah was all over each other. Oh, we rolled ‘n’ frolicked ‘n’ cavorted in a tangle of many, many black legs all over that back yard, ‘n’ if Mom had ever had the chance to glance out the dinin’ room window, she would’ve blushed mightily in embarrassment. We was HOT!!!!!!

So, OK, I was done after five minutes, ‘n’ then I spent the rest of the time sittin’ at the dining room table beggin’ scraps whilst Delilah collapsed in pantin’ exhaustion under the remains of the pear tree. (Poor Delilah has lost many of the best features of her back yard to a most malicious storm, ‘n’ there aren’t too many places left for her to stretch out ‘n’ recover from an attack of such vigorous proportions from a studly guy like me.)

I must say, I prefer it when the Crezwells grill, ‘cuz there’s always a wiener or two with my name on it. But everyone was dinin’ indoors today, ‘n’ Mom wasn’t able to slip me nearly as many hunks o’ meat as she wanted to. But Mr. Crezwell come through ‘n’ let me lick his ice cream bowl. YUM!!!!!!

So after I said a passionate goodbye to Delilah, with many assurances that this wasn’t just a nooner (you know, you gotta say them things to keep the bitches happy), me ‘n’ Mom come home ‘n’ IMMEDIATELY collapsed into a well-deserved nap. We slept for hours, with Mom groanin’ over her rhubarb-laden tummy ‘n’ me recoverin’ from my manly exertions (you guys think I been fixed. HA!). ‘N’ then we crawled outta bed, ‘n’ Mom was promisin’ me so many more adventures weedin’ the condo patio ‘n’ scrubbin’ down Miss Corolla ‘n’ maybe even takin’ an evening stroll on the Towpath that I was prancin’ around the kitchen in delirium, beggin’ her to leash me up ‘n’ get it on!

‘N’ that’s when Mom got the message from the EWP that some Bill fella had called off sick, ‘n’ all my delightful plans for the evenin’ was crushed to smithereens. Instead of spendin’ the rest of the day with me — like my CONTRACT DICTATES — Mom went to WORK, ‘n’ I had no companionship whatsoever for HOURS ‘n’ HOURS ‘n’ HOURS ‘cept a stale Milkbone.

Does that stink or WHAT??????

Well, I was gonna light into Mom when she finally got home, ‘cuz this day was supposed to be all about US, but Pops, I gotta tell ya, she looked so whupped as she staggered through the door that I MAGNANIMOUSLY forgot my justifiable miffedness ‘n’ IMMEDIATELY curled myself around her legs ‘n’ licked her tired hands ‘n’ said, “It’s OK, Mom. I forgive you………NOW LET’S TAKE A WALK!!!!!!”

Which we did, ‘n’ then I was rewarded with the last of the wieners, ‘n’ now Mom’s soothin’ herself with some red juice while I write to you, ‘n’ pretty soon, we’re gonna crawl back into bed, where I’ll dream about Delilah ‘n’ she’ll dream about you, ‘n’ the disappointin’ end of our day will be just a sad chapter in our past ‘n’ tomorrow will be a whole new excitin’ book for us to write.

Yours in the defense of Mom ‘n’ the homeland (when I’m not gettin’ my rocks off),


Pops replies:

Oh, Louie! Shocked! I say I am shocked to read about such things as getting “your rocks off!” Now, what is that supposed to mean? And, if true, I sure hope you used protection. You know about that, right, Louie? Oh my, my boy has changed over the summer. You never used to write or talk or even think about such things. Now what am I going to do? I think you and I need to have a long, long talk, Lou. I’m not sure you are aware of exactly what you are getting yourself into. Oh my.
Published in: on September 10, 2010 at 1:10 am  Leave a Comment  

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