Notes from Louie, Pops ‘n’ Mom

Pops is home now, but because of Mom’s terrible schedule at that Evil Work Place, ‘n’ Pops’ seasonal responsibilities as the Summit County Elf for Santa Claus, ‘n’ my many many nights of bear patrol, we still must send each other notes sometimes, just to keep up to date. Here is some of them!

From Mom, to Louie, Sept. 18, 2009

LOUIE!!!!!
 
You aren’t going to BELIEVE this!
 
You missed the Secret March of the Federal Bear Patrol!!!!!
 
Miss Corolla and I were heading down Canyon Trail, on the way to that Evil Work Place, when suddenly four young men in UNIFORM jogged out of the trees down by the Chivalrous Neighbor’s house and headed straight for us! Their uniforms were navy blue with official but unreadable patches on their shoulders. They were trying to pass themselves off as policemen or firemen but I knew they were secret Federal Bear Patrol agents because they were all carrying POOP BAGS!!!!
 
Well, Louie, I was so flummoxed that I nearly drove Miss Corolla right into the nifty new park bench, and by the time I got her properly straightened out, the patrol had jogged on by us, and I had no chance to ask them what the heck they were doing.
 
But I KNOW it was the bear patrol. And you, sadly, missed their maneuvers. But maybe when you come visit tomorrow, we’ll see them again.
 
Take care of Dad tonight. Don’t forget to give him a good face-licking, and in return, he just might rub your belly!   
 
Bunches of hugs and kisses,
 
Mom.
 
P.S. Tell your Dad this is all 100 percent true. (Well, except for the part about almost running into the park bench.)

Louie replies:

Hi, Mom:
Golly gee, Mom, how come you didn’t call right away ‘n’ tell me? I musta missed their call on my secret Bear Patrol phone. Maybe tomorrow we can look for them, OK?
 
Well, Mom, I gotta go back to pretendin’ I was asleep. Dad’s been sittin’ in a chair readin’ a book all afternoon ‘n’ I’ve been dozin’ in the sun. What a life. It’s not like guardin’ the Homeland at Louieville, but Pops reaches down ‘n’ scratches my ears whenever I let out a contented moan in my sleep. He says he gonna take me down for a long sunset hike. I can hardly wait.
 
Oh, ‘n’ he’s gonna cook MEAT again tonight. My heads aspinnin’, ‘cuz I don’t know whether I’m gonna get chicken from tonight or last night’s leftover steak. Life doesn’t get any better’n that, Mom.
 
Well, OK, gotta go.
 
Love,
Louie
 
P.S. I miss you lots, Mom. But I’m here with Dad ‘n’ us boys, well, we’re not allowed to get all sentimental or nothin’. But I miss you lots ‘n’ I can hardly wait till Dad takes me back to the house for tomorrow’s hike. I promise to give you lots of sloppy kisses, Mom. ‘Cuz I MISS YOU LOTS!!!!!!

Mom replies:

LOUIE!!!!

You must poop IMMEDIATELY!!!!

Love,

Mom

Louie replies:

oooookaaaaayeee, Mom.

From Mom, to Louie, Sept. 25

Dear Louie,
 
I will miss you a whole lot tonight, but you have no idea how much easier it is to slog through my shift at that Evil Work Place knowing that you’re out having adventures with Dad this evening instead of waiting at the front door with your legs crossed until I get home!
 
(Don’t forget to tuck Dad in for me.)
 
Bunches of belly rubs,
 
Mom.

Louie replies:

Ah geez, Mom – it’s just us guys havin’ a night out – we’ll see ya tomorrow.
 
Louie.

From Mom, to Louie, Jan. 16

Louie,
You must break out of the condo immediately, race downtown and free me from this evil place.
If I really have to sit here for two more hours, I may scream.
I am surrounded by lunatics, working on maniacal tasks.
You must come save me, Louie, and lick my face.
Mom.
P.S. Dad can lick my face, too, if he so desires.

Louie replies:

Mom!
I’ll be right there!
Louie.
P.S. Dad says you don’t even have to smear hamburger grease on your face, he’ll lick it anyway. Me? I prefer bacon grease myself.

Mom replies back:

Gee, Louie, I was kinda looking forward to chicken grease.
Mom.

Louie replies back:

Yuummmmm!
Louie.
P.S. Dad give me chicken tonight, ‘n’ I ate all of it! (Burp!)

Mom replies again:

Louie,
Did you get tipsy on Marsala?
For shame!!!!
Mom.

Louie replies again:

Maaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhmmmmm!

Louie go to bed now. He had chicken with uh, uh, wine!!!!!

From Mom, to Louie, Jan. 17

Oh, Louie, it’s been a fearsome evening!

I’ve been UNDER ATTACK!!!

A Mongol horde of viruses invaded my computer, and it took a whole squad of federal IT agents hours and hours to track them all down. I needed YOU with your fine-tuned snout to sniff them out for me!

In the end, I was sufferin’ from 471 cookies (what’s the problem with that, you ask.  Well, you try eatin’ 471 cookies and see how YOUR tummy feels) and two monstrous Trojans. I thought my computer was a goner for sure.

But Special Agent Charles zapped them all and I’m now good as new — four hours late into my shift.

Good thing you’re having a sleepover, ‘cuz I’m never gonna get home tonight.

Mom

Louie replies:

Oh, Mom, I would’ve taken care of them cookies for you, no problem.

Well, Dad ‘n’ me is well fed, ‘n’ we’re settlin’ in for the night. Dad says he’s gonna watch some kind of movie with Jesse Stone ‘n’ Tom Selleck. Dunno what all that means. Me? I’m just gonna snooze for a while ‘n’ dream of cookies.

Miss you, Mom!!!!

Mom replies:

To tell the truth, Louie, the legions of cookies didn’t scare me half so much as the two — gulp! — well-armed Trojans!

Mom.

Louie replies back:

Mom!!!! I dunno what that means!

Louie.

Mom replies back:

That means I bravely fought off the 471 cookies, but I nearly fell to the two mighty Trojans. I needed you here to stand by my side and fight!!!! What if Special IT Agent Charles hadn’t been here to help me? Huh? Huh?

Mom

Louie replies again:

Oh, Mom!!! I’m Louie!!!! I will always be there to help you, dontcha know?

Louie

From Mom, to Louie, Jan. 22

Dear Louie,

Mom is very mellow tonight.

You’ll have to ask Dad to explain why.

Lots of hugs and belly rubs,

Mom.

Louie replies:

Mom!

Dad says he’s going to bed soon. Sheesh!!!! What’s with you guys? HUH?

I want to play!

Louie

Mom replies:

Gee, Louie, someone must have tired him out.

Let him snooze for a while, and then about 2 a.m., back up all the way down the hall and make a flying leap for his chest.

He’ll be quite animated and will probably spout all sorts of colorful metaphors for you.

Mom

Louie replies back:

Maaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhm!

I don’t know what a metaphor is.

But I’ll do what you say — heh heh! I like to see Dad jump!

Louie

From Mom, to Louie, Jan. 23

Dear Louie (burp),

Mom here (burp, burp).

I’ve just had the most fantabulous dinner of leftovers and it was chock full of (burp!!!) MEAT!!!!

It’s too darned bad you didn’t come to work with me instead of staying home with that meanie who tried to poison you this morning.

I’d NEVER poison you. Nope, not me (BURP!!!!).

Sorry, Louie.

Mom’s gotta run.

BUUUUUUUUUURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRPPPPPPPPPPP!!!

Louie replies:

Maaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhm!

Pops made meat tonight with LOTS of grease.

I forgive him!

Louie.

From Louie, to Mom, Feb. 15

Dad wants to watch the Olympics ‘n’ I want to watch the Westminster Dog Show. Doesn’t he know this is my Super Bowl? Anyway, we’ll probably still be here fighting over the TV when you get home. Just thought you ought to know in case there is blood on the floor.
Louie
P.S. I want my own TV!
P.P.S.  I want my own cell phone, too!

Mom replies:

Louie!

If you have your own TV, you’ll turn into a fat couch potato.

Mom.

Louie replies:

Mom!
I already sleep all day on the couch!
Louie.

From Mom, to Louie, Feb. 19

Hi, Louie!

Mom, here.

Bored Mom.

INCREDIBLY bored Mom.

Sheesh, the news tonight is putting me right to sleep!

Miss you.

Mom.

P.S. I’m sorry I didn’t climb into Baby and give you a nice belly rub this afternoon while you were waiting so patiently for Dad at Acme. I had to leave in a hurry so I could get to this Evil Work Place on time. I hope Dad didn’t make you shiver out there too long.

Louie replies:

Mom!

I was out there for hours ‘n’ hours ‘n’ hours! I didn’t think Dad would ever come out! I thought I was goin’ to have to go in that place ‘n’ rescue him! 

But then he came out ‘n’ we went on a sunset hike ‘n’ then he cooked ground meat ‘n’ he give me lots ‘n’ lots of grease in my food ‘n’ then I had to go to sleep — so I guess I forgive him for leavin’ me alone in Baby.

Miss you, Mom, but I’ll see you in a few hours. Or days. Or months. Or years. Geez, Mom, I don’t unnerstand this time thing.

Louie!

From Mom, to Pops, Feb. 27

Arrrrrrrrrrrgh!
I forgot to stamp the return envelopes to the agents! I will never  be able to unseal all of those packages without ripping the envelopes.
Tell Louie his mom is a doofus.
Mom

Louie replies:

Mom! I love you even if you are a doofus.
Louie.

From Louie, to Pops, April 28

Good morning, Pops!

Louie here, just makin’ sure you’re hard at work. (Mom says my top job for the next 7 weeks is to police your time sheet — whatever that is — so’s this workin’ from home business turns out to be a huge success ‘n’ you get to spend ever so much more time in Ohio with Louie ‘n’ ever so much less time in California.)
 
See you at 11, when we’ll take a much-deserved break before I send you back to the ol’ grindstone.
 
Louie.

From Mom, to Louie, May 3

Louie!
 
You must stop what you’re doing IMMEDIATELY and tell Dad that I’ll come to the condo tomorrow about 11 a.m. to pick you up for your hike. It’s something called Election Day, Lou, and since I have to be at the condo anyway to vote, I might as well save Baby a trip to the house.
 
So, quick, Louie, tell Dad before the message gets pushed outta your head by thoughts of juicy meat.
 
Bunches of bear hugs,
 
Mom
 
P.S. Tell Dad he doesn’t have to worry about lots of leftovers for me, ‘cuz I’ll have Election Night pizza. (And you would, too, if you came to that EWP with me.)

Louie replies:

Mom!
Lucy has bad hip artharitus — I heard Miss Sandra tell Pops all about the ramp she had built behind her house. Can I have a ramp? Huh? Huh?
 
Poor Pops – heh, heh — he had to stand there and talk to her for hours and hours and hours. No matter what he tried, she wouldn’t stop talkin’ — heh, heh, heh.
 
OK, I’ll tell Dad to be ready for you at 11. He’s cookin’ something that smells deeeelishus — I think it’s bacon!
 
Louie

Mom replies back:

FanTASTic  idea, Louie! We’ll build a ramp over the fence so you can go over ‘n’ play with Lucy and Reggie whenever you want!

Tell Dad to get started on it RIGHT NOW! (Hee hee hee.)

Mom.

P.S. You ‘n’ me are well aware of Miss Sandra’s talking jags, huh, Louie? 

From Louie, to Mom, May 5

Mom!

Dad ‘n’ me was sittin’ out back — he was pretendin’ to be workin’ ‘n’ I was sunnin’ myself, when this shadow come across the lawn ‘n’ we looked up ‘n’ it was the biggest, baddest, boldest bird we ever seen!

It was an EAGLE!!!!

Dad ran into the house, but I protected the perimeter. I gotta call the MIB. Could be an invasion!

Louie.

From Louie, to Mom, June 1

Mom!

What gives! Huh? Huh?

Pops keeps grillin’ ‘n’ I keep seein’ a nice juicy bone ‘n’  —   ‘n’ —  ‘n’ — nothin’!!!! Since when do you guys eat bones, huh?

OK, OK, OK, Pops been givin’ me gristly bits o’ steak ‘n’ I ain’t complainin’, but, uh, uh, uh — WTF — what gives?

Louie

P.S. I don’t know what WTF means, but it seems to fit here, no?

From Louie, to Pops,  June 2

Ooohhh nooooo!

THUNDER BOOMERS!

Where’s my Mom???

Where’s my Pops???

Ooohhh nooooo!

Sniffle, sniffle,

Louie

From Louie, to Mom:

Mom!

Pops showed up HOURS after you left, maybe even DAYS! Then it rained all afternoon!

MAKE IT STOP RAININ’!!! ‘k? ‘k? ‘k?

Louie

P.S. Pops is makin’ STEAK!!! Life is good. I don’t care about the rain no more.

From Louie, to Pops, June 3

Oh, Pops!

The horror!

The terror!

The petrification!

Mom LEFT ME in the middle of GREAT BIG THUNDER BOOMERS!!!

How could she abandon me like this?

HOW???

Louie

From Louie, to Mom and Pops, Later on June 3

Mom and Pops!

Union rep!!! Tomorrow!!! You BOTH abandoned me to THUNDER BOOOOOOMS!!

Louie

From Louie, to Pops, June 4

Pops!

Mom says I’m gonna be famous!

She showed me how to put my letters on somethin’ called a blog (or was it a frog??? I get confused) and now the whole world can read my adventures.  Only Mom says you oughta check out Day 1 to make sure I did it right. ‘k? ‘k? ‘k?

xxx

Louie

From Louie, to Pops, June 5

Dad,

Me ‘n’ Mom got hosed!

We was walkin’ down Megglen, mindin’ our own business ‘n’ barely tramplin’ anyone’s petunias, when suddenly this MEAN-SPIRITED old human whirled around ‘n’ doused us with an industrial-strength water cannon! I yelped ‘n’ galloped all the way to the next block, draggin’ a drippin’ Mom behind me.

Mom laughed at me ‘n’ said it was quite refreshin’. I thought it was FOUL!!!

Mom says it wasn’t the old man’s fault — he didn’t see us comin’, but I know better. I SEEN the alien glint in his beady eyes ‘n’ I’m sure we’ve been invaded by body snatchers.

You must invite Tommy Lee to your rib dinner IMMEDIATELY so I can make a Full Report.

Louie

From Louie, to Pops, Sept. 15

Pops!

Mom says if you wanna take the gizmo so’s you can play on the computer in the middle of the night, that’s OK, ‘cuz I got no letter to write you tonight.

Louie

P.S. Say, you got any MEAT for me????

From Louie, to Pops, Sept. 17

Pops!

Mom took me for a walk but I didn’t poop, so you gotta take me to the marsh so’s I can get me some BEAVER, ‘n’ maybe poop. Then we  can come home ‘n’ have a nice candlelit dinner for just you ‘n’ me without that pesky Mom. OK?

Anxiously awaitin’ your arrival,

Louie.

P.S. Did you eat all my STEAK????

From Louie, to Mom:

Mom!

Dad ‘n’ me are goin’ to the marsh after we just  got finished with out chicken ‘n’ (burp) I don’t think Pops will let me cherry pick no more!

I’ll miss you tonight, Mom!!!! But I’ll see you in the mornin’, ‘K???

Louie.

From Louie, to Pops, Sept. 22

Pops!

Mom says to treat the kitchen faucet tenderly tonight, ‘cuz the seal has broke loose (whatever the heck THAT means!) ‘n’ the faucet is all wobbly.

Sheesh, you guys have icky plumbin’!

Love,

Louie

From Louie, to Pops, Sept. 24

DAD!

I got FEARSOME itchies.

Please help!

Or else I’m gonna turn my fleas loose on you.

Unhappily yours,

Louie

From Louie, to Mom:

Mom!

Pops took care of my itchies. I let him! I was feelin’ awful fearsome.

Then he left — so I’m havin’ a party tonight!!!

Louie

From Louie, P.S. to Pops:

Ha ha on you!

You mighta gone to the baseball game without me ‘n’ had the futon all to yourself, but I got a Midnight Stroll AND a third dinner AND the big bed with Mom.

So ha ha ha!

Who got the better deal?

Well, Louie, of course!

‘Cuz I got a MAJOR belly rub ‘n’ I didn’t have to sleep on the floor

HA!

Louie

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Published on September 7, 2010 at 11:22 am  Leave a Comment  

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